Tech Support for Husband 1.0

Question

Dear Tech Support:
Help!! Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the accounting software;

severely limiting access to wardrobe, flower and jewelry applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, Saturday Football 5.0, Golf 2.4 and Clutter Everywhere 4.5.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run DiaperChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this general purpose utility is of limited effectiveness. Can you help, please!!!!

Signed Jane


Answer

Dear Jane:

This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception.

Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package.

However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible.

Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this.

Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained.

It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0.

In desperation to play some of their "old time "favorite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.

However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under "Warnings: Divorce/Child Support".

You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system.

Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.

Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the command "C:\ I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME". Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologize 12.3 and Flo wers/Chocolates 7.8. TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature.

Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a C:\I APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and Snoring Loudly wave files that are very hard to delete.

Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran.

Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly.

After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.

A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install MotherInLaw 1.0. This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4 and Hunting 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.

I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in the coming years. We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product! Sincerely,

Tech Support >>

Tech Support for Wife 1.0

Dear Tech Support
Team:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0.

I
soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child-processes

that took
up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition,
Wife 1.0 installed
itself into all other programs and now monitors all
other system
activities.

Applications such as BachelorNights
10.3 , Basketball 5.0 ,
BeerWithBuddies 7.5,
and Outings 3.6 no
longer runs, crashing the system whenever selected.
I can't
seem to
keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
my
favorite
applications.

I'm thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 5.0, but the 'uninstall '
doesn't
work on Wife 1.0
.

Please help!

Thanks,
"A Troubled User
"

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common
problem that people complain about.

Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 5.0 to Wife 1.0 , thinking that it is
just a Utilities and
Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING
SYSTEM and
is
designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING !!!

It is also impossible
to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 5.0.

It is
impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the
system
once
installed.

You cannot go back to Girlfriend 5.0 because
Wife 1.0 is designed not to
allow this. (Look in your Wife 1.0 Manual
under Warnings-Alimony- Child
Support)
..

I recommend that
you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the environment.

I suggest
installing the background application " Yes Dear" to alleviate
software
augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command
C:\APOLOGIZE because
ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE
command before the
system will
return to normal anyway.

Wife
1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.
Wife
1.0
comes with several support programs, such as Clean 2.5 , Sweep
3.0,
Cook 1.5
and DoLaundry 4.2 . However, be very careful how you
use these programs.
Improper use will cause the system to launch the
program NagNag 9.5 .

Once this happens, the only way to improve the
performance of Wife 1.0
is to
purchase additional software. I
recommend Electronics 2.1 and
Jewellery 5.0

STATUTORY WARNING :
DO NOT, under any circumstances, install
SecretaryWithShortS kirt 3.3.
This application is not supported by Wife
1.0 and
will cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech
Support

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